“No” With Love Attached

He cried his little heart out in my arms. It was late, bedtime even, and he wanted…candy. And this was not the first request, but his daddy had already shared some with him earlier and they had a “talk” about no more until tomorrow.
I don’t like the answer “No.” I didn’t like it when I was a kid, young adult, or “older” adult. I wouldn’t ask for something if I didn’t want it, how about you?
Have you ever begged God for something? I mean really asked with all your heart, over and over and only to experience that little word with the biggest meaning of hurt, that you think your heart just can’t possibly absorb? You are not a little girl anymore, so the asking is not “Could I have …this?” and you could take the no and move on. But, “Please God, You know how important this is to…and how could this possibly not be Your will?” This kind of over-and-over prayer that comes with deep, on-going disappointment. Heart wrenching even.

“Likewise the Spirit also helps our weaknesses: for we do not know  what we should pray for as we ought: for the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He that searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because he makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27

So what we don’t have words for, when we don’t even know what to pray for “as we ought” the Spirit of God prays for us. And because the Spirit knows what the will of God is, (and we don’t) the prayer is offered perfectly and answered perfectly. Not saying it’s easier to take when it is so different from what we are asking, what we see would solve a problem, or help someone who is struggling. Because the picture is much bigger than we are capable of envisioning.
Dear reader, God is so big. He knows the end from the beginning and all those that are connected to your life and actions. If I think about it too much, my head hurts with the responsibility of it all. All I can do is trust Him and try to overcome the need to control anything. Just live abiding in Him and absorbing His Word.
“No” can seem unkind, especially to those in our close circle of family, friends and church. But it does not have to be when we remember to attach the love to it. To not use it in an automatic way to brush off responsibilities or make things more convenient for us. I love how Ann Voscamp says “You are willing to love only as much as you are willing to be inconvenienced.” That phrase “love is not convenient and I love this person” is one I say in my mind when I am asked to do something for someone that I quite truthfully do not want to do because it’s a bad time for me or I think I’m too busy. Try it, it works for me.
We girls love the romantic comedies where the guy, eventually, gets down on one knee, and asks the question that he pretty much knows will be answered with a “yes!” And of course, through the course of the story, he has had quite a bit of a struggle winning that “yes.” With the possibility of a thousand missed opportunities and missed connections leading up to the climax of the movie, and the happily ever after. This is the movies, dear reader. Anything can happen, and does.

Not so in real life. I would love to write that this life is fair. All our prayers are answered with the “Yes” we expect and everyone lives happily ever after, here. But that is not the truth. We will have trials. We will be persecuted. We will not always get the candy before bedtime. But that is okay, because the love this parent is modeling at the start of this post, is like the love that God has for us. He knows the whole story. God knows our whole story and He has to do what is best for us, because that is what His love does.

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